7 27.  so after a relaively good night, starting at 7:00 am things have gotten progressively worse.  (now 12:45)  in spite of taking first two of each, then four, of each medd.   I'll take six of each around three, but without high hopes.

I think I've come to the truest insight yet. the demon is a self-fulfilling prophesy.  the prophesy is: things don't work out.  this is the demon that has really burrowed into the core of my being. It's what ate at my father and killed him. Abandon all hope of fruition, says Arjuna.  that's my only salvation.  Live without expectations, for now.  Advice heard a thousand times, but so difficult to enact.  I think it's the only work I have.